Under a Little Umbrella

I’ve always accepted the fact that men may not understand women.  Some may get to know more of a certain individual, but generally, they still remain a mystery.  How much mysterious is a matter of debate. 

Here’s the tale.  At a certain time last year, a fwen of mine told me of meeting an old classmate of hers who was, at that time, working in a different country.  So, those normal questions came up, like ‘how long have they not met’, ‘what’s he doing there’, ‘does he come back often’, etc.  Nothing unusual, but I did feel suspiscious.  Won’t go into details of our conversation on this guy, but a few questions later, I’m convinced of my thoughts.  He intends to court her.  Reason?  Usually, I repeat, USUALLY, that’s what guys do.  She didn’t think so though.  After some time, however, she said I may be right.  Not much mentioned about him after that. 

And the moral of this story is… there’s none.  Based on something I’m told, I made assumptions.  I still don’t know if I was right.  MAY BE is rated a 50/50 situation.  I find it interesting though.

The second tale is fiction.  Stop me if you’ve heard this before.  Two friends, a boy and a girl, grew up together, being neighbours, and are studying in the same school and in the same class.  They go to school and return together as well.  So, one day in school, a classmate asked the girl if there’s anyone she likes.  Before she was able to reply, the boy interjected that it’s impossible, his reason being that since he knows her so well, he’ll be the first to know if she likes someone.  The girl became upset after that, and, as usual, calls the guy an idiot.  ( This manga is still ongoing :p )

There are many stories with such elements in them, especially in anime and manga.  I’ve watched and read so many of them that I just accept it as that, no more.  It’s when I experience a similar situation that I begin to understand its significance.  I can roughly understand how guys think, but with girls, it’s practically 0%.  What’s worse is that I only realized it after reading the second tale, which I mentioned earlier, despite being exposed to such scenarios countless times.  Guess I really am thick headed. 

The point of all this is… there’s this girl… whom I really want to know more of… and the rest is history.  I know her, but in a way, I don’t know much of how she thinks, despite knowing her for quite some time now.  Part of her thoughts are quite clear, and I really fear to venture further.  I can write, or type, a lot, but in conversations, I really can’t talk much. 

So, the truth is, I’m scared… scared of what she’ll do if I tell her…

In my line of work, I look at the calendar a lot.  So, noticed a lot of nice dates for holiday this year.  This is through a combination of the leave applied and public holidays.  If done right, a vacation of at least 4 days can be arranged every 2 months.  Isn’t that nice?

Sadly, it’s much more convenient for those living in West Malaysia.  For the East, there’s only that many choices, where more options require a significant increace in resources.  Darn.  It has not deterred me much, as I only go to one place in particular.  Still, knowing the total amount makes me wonder if it’s even worth it. 

Sometimes, that’s the way with things.  Another common ‘way of things’ is assumptions.  People tend to assume one is rich to be able to ‘fly’ whenever and wherever. Definietly, I don’t agree with that.  From what a fwen told me, most times, people portray the side of them that looks good, keeping quiet about the hardships endured to certain achievements.  Even in revelations, details are kept to the minimum.  Reason?  Ego, or pride, perhaps?  Then again, from a different perspective, why not humility? 

To ‘fly’ because I want to isn’t really much of an issue to me.  Sure, I do worry about my finances, but if it’s something that I feel like doing at that moment, why not?  Ok, stupid, but I tend to do stupid things.  Regretted a lot then, and yet, life goes on.  Looking back, I’ll be embarrassed by them, not mention about them even.  Still, inspite of all that, it’s just a matter of acceptance.  It’ll be a miracle if ‘wounds’ can be healed completely, but as it is, things really aren’t that bad, as long as one looks on the bright side…

… which is why I hate planning.  The schedule may look perfect, but there’s always that nagging feeling of ‘unforseen circumstances’.  Often, such situations are naturally unavoidable.  Can’t stop feeling a loss though.  So, reservations done earlier may be cheaper.  A fwen suggested for me to proceed, because no matter how or what, I’ll find a way to make the trip successful even if I were to meet with some problems before the date.  Such a possibility is quite high, but if I were in a dilemma, that wouldn’t be much of a holiday now, right? 

Meaning, I’m still a ‘last-minute’ kind of guy.  Not to the very last minute or second, of course.  More to ‘later’ in a ’sooner or later’ scenario.  The temptation to confirm everything as soon as possible is strong though.  Question is, what if…?

I wonder who it was who said that rules are meant to be broken.  I know of the one who mentioned that to break rules, one must know the rules first.  Still, I find that wrong.  No matter what, rules are… well, rules.  It’s the boundary that keep things in check.  If the line is crossed, consequences are usually not too far behind.  That’s the purpose, after all.

Ah, how times have changed.  It’s not a first that I notice such things, but of late, they seem to be happening quite often.  Seems that if a large number of ppl go beyond the bounds, life will just resume as if nothing is out of the ordinary.  Better still, a counter-attack while proclaiming innocence.  Now, isn’t that something?  By digging out every possible evidence, there is actually only 1 that matters: miscommunication.  Simple, isn’t it?

However, it still doesn’t seem right.  For 1 person out of 100 to misunderstand or misinterpret something is normal.  Even 10 out of 100 is acceptable.  100 out of 100?  Something must be very wrong.  Surprisingly, focussing on this 1 simple proof seems to be sufficient.  Hey, nothing is perfect.  Even rules have loopholes.  So, breaking them is never an issue.  It’s just a matter of going around them. 

Again, it’s still wrong.  The line has been crossed.  Over, under or through it, the fact remains that it’s been crossed.  For a large number of people to commit it together intensifies the damage by… how many folds, I wonder…  Unity is a credible value, but honesty and humility weighs into something too.  Understand why I don’t really like ‘Pendidikan Moral’ now? 

So, the ball is in the court of the ‘enforcers’.  What can be done?  The walls are breached.  Oh, to add a little spice to things, maybe some sugar and ‘everything nice’ while I’m at it, it comes from WITHIN.  Ah… the irony of it all. 

Whichever way the outcome goes, everyone deserves a second chance.  Heck, if given 5, why not take them all?  It helps make life more interesting, to those involved, as well as those ‘who watch things happen.’  Beautiful isn’t it?  ^_^

I have this mindset that once things don’t go my way, might as well take it all at once.  It doesn’t matter if all the issues are not related, as long as they are something that needed to be dealt with.  Usually, most of them are things that I put aside for fear of failure.  So, when it becomes inevitable that 2, or maybe 3 of them come to me at the same time, why not deal with the rest as well?  Oh, this only happens should the first 2 issues resulted in failure. 

It happened before, where things went downhill all the way.  Feels as if 1 thing has an influence on the other, despite being totally different altogether.  Perhaps I was influenced instead.  Being demoralized from the first 2 or 3 setbacks, other oncoming problems are faced with weak determination.  Nonetheless, I faced them.  After all, I’ll never know the outcome without first acting on it. 

Actions, however, are easier said than done.  Unlike emotions, actions can be controlled.  It’s a matter of how to go about things, and how to resume from then on.

Now, how did that song go again?

‘I get knock down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down’ ( repeat 4 x )

Encouraging words, eh? 

I’m currently in one such predicament.  Hoping not to get knocked down too often this time…