Under a Little Umbrella

A while back, I had a guest from overseas.  She studied in Kch for 6 yrs b4 returning 2 her hometown.  Taking some time off, she travel to Kch again, will go 2 KL next, & then back home. 

Somehow, that plan doesn’t seem right 2 me, s I was wondering, ‘what could there possibly in Kch that any1 would want 2 come here again?’.  2 those who grew up here, it’s a dif thing.  I know I feel that way.  I like this slow & steady life.  There exists others who feel d same way, I’m sure.  Still, I can’t quite grasp d concept yet, of any of my fwens from d west flying over here 2 settle down.  It may b a sojourn 2 some, while others settle down 4 good.  In truth, it’s nth unusual.  Just, sth I find peculiar. 

Anyway, back 2 this guest.  It was pure reflex on my part when I asked her y she wanted 2 come 2 Kch again.  Nonchalantly, she replied, "It’s a beautiful city."

That caught me.  Whether it was said out of courtesy or honesty, I still didn’t c that coming.  I mean, Kch is… well, Kch.  D kolo mee, laksa, belacan bihun & many other food r 2nd 2 none IMHO.  No mamak, but there sure r lots of coffee shops that open throughout d night.  Happening?  I don’t think so.  Then again, I seldom go out, so I might actually b missing a lot. 

It has been 2 days since, & I’m still thinking abt that casual remark of hers.  I wasn’t born here, but here’s where I practically grew up.  I seldom venture far, & only do so out of necessity.  Seems like I’ll hav 2 start xploring more, wif d silent hope of discovering d reason y that particular guest would say that Kch is a beautiful city…

So, I’m in a fix.  A core decision has been made, & now, more questions surface.  In truth, I already hav d answer.  Only, it’s not satisfactory, despite d obvious solution being d most logical 1.  D reason is simple.  I don’t like it. 

Sometimes, I really hate this… ‘conscience’.  It works differently 4 different individuals, but I trust that most r familiar wif mine.  Therefore, I’m putting in quite some effort 2 change that.  Then again, can that really b done?  Without a doubt, yes.  Still, 4 better or 4 worse?  Undoubtedly, unpredictable. 

U c, no matter how bad things may look, there r always alternatives.  It was d 1 thing I never did accept previously, ‘cos logic deemed it so.  Somewhere sometime ago, I realized my mistake.  My acceptance of them were never necessary.  They were merely there, & all that’s required of me was 2 c them, & mayb acknowledge that such choices exist.  Whether I decide 4 either 1 of them, or against all of them entirely, is another matter altogether. 

Therefore, @ times when things seem tough & hopeless, I tend 2 shrug it off, knowing the inevitable.  If nth can b done 2 avoid d ever so clear outcome, so b it.  I’ll definitely feel down by it, but my smile will still b there, even if it’s a sad 1.  Y?  Noticing d alternatives will more than make up 4 it.  Who knows?  I might even find a better solution there. 

No matter how uncertain d future may look, 1 should never stop believing.