Under a Little Umbrella

What’s d usual reply 2 such questions?   ’Fine’, ‘OK lor’, ‘Like that lor’.   

In chinese, it’s asked ‘好吗？’   D reply is mostly along d line of ‘还好’.  I

was pretty much like that.   Think it’s similar 2 a lot of ppl.   Seem’s like

most r ’still good’.   Translation, ‘not bad’. 

A movie I watched made me change my answer.   Well aware that it isn’t 4 d

better, but taking my own advise abt honesty ( thanks 2 a fwen 4 reminding

me ), d answer is much closer 2 d truth of d situation.   Also, it doesn’t

sound s nice.   Hey, 4 some, d truth hurts, & whatever d results, it will

always return 2 d catalyst.   So, that really isn’t so bad 4 others, in a

way. 

Anyway, y a bleaker response?   What’s abt 2 start s a healthy conversation

will deterioriate wif that an unxpected answer.   D setting 4 a lively &

jovial atmosphere can disappear wif that passiv reply.   Knowing that, I’ll

still choose 2 utter those 3 words wif a weak smile.   It’s what I do.

White lies & sugarcoating isn’t really my style.   Sarcasm fits better.   It

may seem chilidish & arrogant, but I prefer that.   I don’t deny that I’ll

come 2 regret such decisions & actions, but there really r things better

left unsaid & undone.   Y?  ‘ Cos 4 my case, honesty is worse than sarcasm.   

A not so recent scenario was that, a fwen did sth which was somewhat

damaging.   She apologized.   I replied sth along d line of ‘it’s fine’.   In

truth, d 1st & honest reply that came 2 my mind @ that time will add more 2

d damage.   It was very tempting & I wanted so much 2 strike back.   When 1

is sad & angry, ’sense’ is usually hard 2 find.   Still, my feeling that

time was more of disappointment instead.   So, I did what I felt was right.   

I don’t feel any better, though, but that’s not d issue, is it?   

Hey, wasn’t that a white lie?  Hm…  Guess I can do that, sometimes…

2 those who fear that I’m referring 2 them when I’m actually talking abt

others, what can I say?   It’s ur own minds.   It’s all in ur personal traits

& characters.   Trust urself that all d things done were right.   U hav ur

own reasons, who m I 2 question them?   So what if I’m sad or angry or

disappointed by what u said or did?   U hav ur own lives 2 live.   Can’t let me hold u back. 

U must believe in urself.  After all, u deserve that.   Also, u hav more

important things & ppl 2 focus on than a… thief.  ^_^ 

In writing blogs, I try my best 2 b s general s possible.  Reason?  Even though it’s my blog, & I’ve d rights 2 my own thoughts, I don’t intend 2 outright hurt those I intend 2 hurt.  LOL.  That’s 1 of d reasons.  Another is that, it’s somewhat similar 2 talking behind another’s back, whether good or bad.  In other words, ignorance in bliss, right?  Y d secrecy?  I find it better that way.  Not necessary 4 d whole world 2 know who I like or hate.  Those individuals know who they r.  Even if they don’t, doesn’t really matter.  It’s just my way of doing things, & it helps me somewhat. 

Would like 2 thank a fwen 4 helping me notice sth though.  Being general lead 2 assumptions, which r sometimes inaccurate.  Still, nth wrong wif that.  After all, I started it.  Also helped me realize d number of fwens I hav, & how they r spread out all over d world…  So, trust that some clarification is required.  @ d time of d previous post, I’m honestly not aware that another dif fwen was in d same place s I.  2 what I know, she’s up there.  Don’t know of any possible reasons 4 her 2 b below, which is actually a good thing.  ^_^

Thank another fwen also, 4 reminding me that I’ve a job.  Things r tough lately, but s how I told another fwen a long time ago, there r worse situations.  So, depending on d perspectiv, it’s actually not that bad.  It started wif 10 of us that time not too long ago, & now, he’s d only 1 left.  I’m actually in a dif company now, just under d same big umbrella. 

A recent happenning saddens me deeply.  It isn’t a surprising thing, ‘cos I know that fwen well enuf 2 do such things.  That’s d problem in knowing some1 2 well.  So, wasn’t xpecting that I would come 2 receive such actions s well.  Makes 1 wonders d definition of ‘fwen’.  D funny thing is, she won’t even know that I’m referring 2 her.  If she does, she won’t know y either. 

Still, what’s done is done.  A decision was made, d action was followed thru, & where does that lead 2?  Here & now…  No apology offered, no 4giveness returned.  Y?  She find d action right.  Hard 2 argue wif that.  What I can only say is that what’s right 4 1 is wrong 4 another.  So, when 1 is confirmed on 1 thing, really hard 2 dissuade.  I had such moments b4.  Being on d receiving end helps me realize my infinite misdoings…  So, d next question is, still fwens?  Honestly, I’m still searching 4 that answer…

A fwen & I always seem 2 b @ opposite places during d same time.  Er…  take note that d ‘places’ referred 2 r either ‘Heaven’ or ‘Hell’.  Yes, it’s just a simple description of what we r going thru, or how we r feeling @ that particular moment.  So, when I’m up there, she’s down below, & @ other times, vice versa.  4 d 1st time since 4ever, we r @ d same place @ d same time, & r joined by another s well.  Below, unfortunately.  Sadly, we r not physically 2gether s well.  I’m here, 1’s in another state, while d other is in another country. 

Still, it’s a comforting thought 2 know that I’m not alone.  Of course, under different circumstances r preferred, but there r things beyond our own actions & influence.  Meaning, steps can only b taken after realizing that d outcome affects us in a way.  Then, where do we go from here? 

Where can we go?  Trust that d answer is pretty obvious.  Decide, act, & c.  Decide on what exactly, depends very much on d character.  Act is just a follow thru of d decision.  Finally, c d outcome, & d cycle repeats itself.  Simple words which r hard 2 walk on. 

A tale of 3 suns, d origin being d ‘end of d world’, not d ideal place 2 start wif.  Nonetheless, it’s a new beginning.  No… more 2wards a continuation of 1 of d many phases of life. 

When I started writing, there was a reason behind it than just plain & simple ‘fun’.  It took me some time 2 realize that things shouldn’t b that way, even though I’m actually well aware of them early on.  Y d stubborness?  I was strongly hoping that it would mean sth, which expectedly, didn’t.  Still, d effort wasn’t without gain. 

It started s a matter of staying focussed.  By focussing on details, one is kept from seeing d big things.  It’s good in a way.  That was how I started wif my writing.  @ that time, it was all original.  Then, d loss of d motivation had me look elsewhere.  So, seeing d bigger picture had me pool ideas from different sources, among them being anime & manga. 

Certainly, I don’t take 100%.  It’s d concept that I’m more interested in.  It may b just 1 phrase, or 1 line, or mayb even 1 whole series, but that is all that’s necessary 2 spawn d idea of a new work.  It’s a start, & then all d words slowly fall in2 place.  I’ve mixed ideas from storylines 2 lyrics 2 MTV’s.  D combination makes them hard 2 b discerned, but only those who watch d things that I watch will know shd they read my works, or shd I choose 2 tell them.  Sadly, not many of my fwens share d same interest.  2 b more precise, d number can b counted by d fingers on 1 hand.  Still, it’s ok, right? 

Now, where is all this leading 2?  Well, what I’m trying 2 relay, in a way, is that things just happen.  Better or worse, sooner or later, they just happen.  Whoever is pulling d strings, whatever d design of things… changes will continue 2 occur.  Y?  Y not? 

So, I c things in a dif light.  Won’t really distinguish it 4 d better or worse, but merely, an acknowledgement.  Y?  ‘Cos like d stars above, ‘things that seem still r still changing’.