Under a Little Umbrella

4 this post, need 2 put aside my ‘Heartless’ nickname 4 a while.  :p

Ever notice how sometimes, d heart & d mind don’t come 2 d same conclusion?  Mayb seldom, but

they do happen.  D heart feels, which is d driving force behind d actions taken, while d mind

contemplates logic, thinking of d right thing 2 do. 

D heart holds d truth.  All feelings & emotions r there.  Sadly, there r times when these

things cannot b released.  D reasoning provided by d mind is what’s controlling this.  No

matter how much d heart desires 4 sth, it will hav 2 go thru d mind b4 any actions r taken. 

If they r in symphony, then good.  If not, then it depends on which is d stronger. 

4 me, these 2 hav been @ odds 4 a long time.  How long?  Long…  My heart is telling me 2 act

on sth.  My mind is suggesting a dif course of action.  How do I differentiate which is which?

Ez: d pain. Nth physical that can b

seen, but invisible hurt that can b felt surprisingly well.  An unbearable sting within, some described s having

their hearts ripped out, or torn apart. That’s d pain of d heart, & when that happens, it’s obvious that d mind took a dif course. 

Not d preferred choice, but what I think is right, even if it means losing sth important…

Depends very much on personal definitions, don’t u think?  Literally, it’s d end of everything.  Other possible meanings, d end 4 1 particular person.  Can’t really fault those who feel this way.  They may hav just gone thru a very, very hard & cruel xperience & find it hard 2 return 2 their usual self.  I wonder how many ppl hav been there…  I know I hav.  2 those who’s never been there, good 4 u.  I’m not that lucky.  But I’m lucky in other aspects.  So, mayb they will cancel each other out. 

Here’s how I look @ it.  Failure or success, it all remains in d past.  Knowing that, I’ll always look back, 4 all of it played a part in shaping d ‘me’ 2day.  Embarrasing, foolish, childish… heart-wrenching, crestfallen, humiliated… all r xperiences better off 4gotten.  Those r d things, which 1 can do without them in their lives.  Still, u need 2 go thru them 2 know how it really feels.  I don’t deny that wise ppl learn from others’ mistakes.  Just, I’m not wise. 

So, I went 2 d ‘End of d World’, & said, "Oh, so this is what it feels like…".  D result?  There’s definitely a change.  How much?  Significant.  Still, deep down, all d yrs of my upbringing aren’t that easily rooted out.  So far, that old part still prevails.